CONFIDENCE

Why is it so hard to believe in ourselves? As children we are fearless, unstoppable, confident. We fall down, we get back up and try again. Oftentimes someone is there saying, “you can do it, try again… and again”.

Somehow with time, with more structure, more rules, desires to “fit in”, we lose our sense of adventure, our hunger to continuously learn and grow. “Someone or something” dispels doubt of what can be, should be, will be… for us.

When and what causes us to stop believing in what could be, what could we be, do or have? What “voice” showed up and said, “I am not good enough”, “I’ll never be able to do that”, “I don’t look the part”, “how could I ever believe I could be, do, have that”? When did we stop listening to the voice that said, “I can do it, try again… and again, I know I can do it.”

Confidence can be shattered in an instant. Sometimes, maybe oftentimes, it can be difficult to regain it. Why? Maybe because it can be hard to put our finger on just exactly what confidence is. It seems even experts have different ways of “thinking” about it. However, one thing seems to be consistent. Confidence is linked with action, forward movement. We may fall, and yet, we get up. I suggest we begin to acknowledge the learning, the growing… “let’s try again, a new way”.

Every now and then our younger self speaks to us. For some of us it’s the dreamer, the fearless one that we nurture. Other times, it can be the detractor. I call the detractor “the voice of protection”, others might call it “fear”. This younger voice zaps our self-esteem, our optimism, our “mojo”, our self-confidence. Our younger voice has the intention to keep us from hurting ourselves, to protect us from harm. And let’s face it, our little girl or little boy has done and continues to do a great job for us. However, if we are honest, we also know this voice may have stunted an opportunity or two. It is possible, maybe likely, that someone or something planted statements of doubt that have become rooted in the recesses of our mind. And for some of us, the voice is so firmly seeded we cannot recognize its presence, but we feel it.

Fortunately, we get to choose at this moment to start anew. “YES, I CAN. I will never give my power away to anyone or anything. I will choose to think, to be, to have what I want in this life.” My little girl or little boy has grown up. Today I give her/him permission to cheer me on, pick me up when I fall, hug me and remind me, “I can do it! Try again… and again.”

Reclaiming one’s confidence can be difficult. It will be a new practice that needs nurturing. Be patient with yourself. You will begin to flex a new muscle. However, know you can relearn to believe in you. Others sometimes believe in us more than we believe in ourselves. You will need to work to remove that self-doubt. Know that you can do anything you put your mind to do. You may want to solicit a “confidence buddy” to help you stretch this dormant, lazy, or flexing muscle. Know there is no chair or standing room in your space for “self-doubt” when “confidence” is taking up all the crevices of YOU.

Quick story: Many years ago, I believe I was about 10. It was Thanksgiving, the young cousins were putting on a show, dancing and singing for the adults. I began to join in the fun and was told “you can’t dance, you should sit down”. I was devastated! I never danced again… until I was 21. Needless to say, I missed out on all the parties of middle school, high school, and even college. As a child I simply had no understanding of what this “protection/fear” was all about. I compensated by pouring myself more into my books, learning. This is where I received praise, recognition, love.

The young man who took me to a dance at 21 after starting my career had no idea of my fear, my need to protect myself. Quite honestly, I didn’t really know why I shied away from dances. He took me to the dance floor and simply said, “no one is watching, it’s just you and me”. I guess I trusted him in that moment as I trembled through the entire “record”. Today, I love to dance, I don’t care who is watching, and I don’t care what anyone might say. Am I a great dancer? Don’t know, don’t care – I’m doing something I love to do and not doing any harm to anyone else.

What I realize now, that I did not know at 21, is that “fearless dancing Sherrie” became “confident Sherrie” on so many other planes of my life.

Ready to build on your confidence? What will be your next step?

Books that might be of interest:

The Confidence Code by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman

How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen & Marshall Goldsmith

The Power of Focus by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, & Les Hewitt