Sometimes life has a way of “pressing pause” for us. When my daughter was a little girl just beginning to walk, I would say to her as we would walk in the yard or at a park, “let’s take time to smell the flowers”. I believe it was more of a reminder to me than to her as I am also reminded of times when she would say to me, “Mommy you never relax, you are always doing something”.
These past two weeks have given me time to reflect, time to learn, and time to act in very thoughtful ways about the life we are given and how we choose, with intention or not, how to live our “gift of life”.
First, I believe with all my heart and soul that everyone must believe in themselves. Believe that you can do, be and have whatever you can imagine. Believe that you can do whatever you put your mind to do. Believe that you can be anything you can dream. Believe that you can have anything your heart desires. There is a catch. When you believe in yourself, there are no doubts. You know. You have claimed it as so. So it is done… and your thoughts, feelings, and actions reflect that belief. Know you cannot wish it so, you need to see, know, believe, and act with intention and it is done.
Secondly, as humans, I believe we long to belong, to be a part of something. You’ve heard the phrase “no man [or woman] is an island” coined by John Donne. On occasion, have you found yourself seemingly playing a role to get what we want, to be accepted? Have you ever looked in the mirror and said, “who is that person?”. Or how about, “I’m going to go along, to get along”? And my favorite, “I’m a fraud, why can’t I just be me?”.
Please don’t misunderstand my intention here. It is important to feel that you belong. It is important to feel you matter. It is important to feel that you are valued. It is important to feel and know you are loved. However, to feel any of these – you matter, you are valued, you are loved – you must matter, be valued, be loved by YOU. YOU make that choice. YOU decide what brings you joy and happiness.
You might say, “no, you don’t understand my situation, my environment, the challenges I face”. Maybe or maybe not. However, what I have learned along life’s journey, is that faking it until you make it is temporary, exhausting, and not as rewarding as some will have you to believe from outward appearances. One of my very first mentors told me a long time ago, “Sherrie, just because you see smiling faces does not mean there is joy and happiness within.” Do you remember the song by Smokey Robinson, Tears of a Clown? Unfortunately, there are a lot of very unhappy people in our world, filled with fear. There is another way, another choice you and I can make.
Sometimes the choices may seem difficult. I will tell you it is far easier to look in that mirror, get along, and be you, when you consciously choose to be authentically you… loving YOU first. When you are able to show that you are content, confident, and committed to be your best you, others will want to be around you. You get to decide who you want to be around. You decide when, with whom, why, and how you want to belong. Try it, take off that mask (or masks) and see the uniquely amazing person that you are. Let the world see the beauty, the light, the greatness of you… and know that you belong!
Finally, being. This, like believing and belonging, are topics that ignite intimate conversations with ourselves and with others. Being, however, gets to the core of who we truly are. When we reflect on being, it begins an exploration of accepting who we are, learning to treasure who we are, and believing and becoming our best, authentic selves.
I started this conversation with “pressing pause”. I lost my dear aunt at the beginning of this year. I spent time this summer with my niece of 33 years, whom I met for the first time a year ago. She is the daughter of my brother who passed several years ago. A couple of weeks ago, I lost my most self-aware uncle – truly a treasure among mankind. I’ve lost several dear friends and our family dog of seventeen years over the past couple of years. I don’t mention these life moments to create sadness, quite the contrary. I mention because it is a continuous reminder of how precious and short life is. It’s a reminder to live each day with every breath we take with intention, with passion, with joy. After all, who wakes up on any given day and says, “I can’t wait to have a miserable day?”. Why not instead say, “I’m going to have a fantastic day today!” and believe it, know it, embrace it, and let it be?
We are each given the gift of life. What we choose to do with it is truly up to us. As I wrote in my last blog, success, abundance, and joy are our birthright. And as a sentiment, I now know that Uncle Clayton lived in acceptance of all that he was – a son, a child of God, a brother, a learner and scholar, a military major, a pilot, a husband, a father, grandfather, uncle, a gay man, a technology leader, an author, a photographer, a world traveler, a friend, and a certified spiritual advisor. He posted this quote prominently in his study:
“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it shall follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”
Hamlet, Act 1, Scene III, by William Shakespeare
Sunrise: 1928 Sunset: 2019
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Dare To Believe
Everybody knows:
You can’t be all things to all people.
You can’t do all things at once.
You can’t do all things equally well.
You can’t do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else’s.
So:
You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first, and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others.
Because no one else is in the contest of “being you”.
Then:
You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.
And you’ll be a most vital mortal.
Dare to believe:
That you are a wonderful, unique person.
That you are a once-in-all-history event.
That it’s more than a right, it’s your duty, to be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.
And you’ll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.
Author Unknown